Sunshine in the Haze

It was never about the lack of words.

When my passion for writing dissipated after moving halfway across the States, I became restless.

I slaved over finding the words that were buried in my soul.

I tried to rest. I tried to write past the mental barricade. I tried to dive into other forms of creativity to jumpstart my brain.

Nothing worked.

My grief quickly became frustration, and then my frustration became anger.

I felt lost and needed something familiar to pull me through–my writing.

As time went on, I grew weary. I asked God why He wasn’t giving me the words to share His glory. Did He not need me anymore?

I was angry at Him. I needed to know He had a purpose for me. Why wasn’t He using me?

Without realizing it, in my subconscious thoughts, I had placed my worth in my blog.

That’s why I was angry.

If I write about Jesus, I am good enough for Him to love.

It’s amazing to write for God’s glory. That fact is as real as the breath in my lungs. However, writing isn’t my salvation.

Ephesians 2:8-10 says, “You are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift–not from works, so that no one can boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.” (CSB)

We are created for good works, but the passions God has given us aren’t our worth, nor our salvation.

So, if you have been given a gift, I beg you to pause and ask yourself a serious question.

If your motivation disappeared and your abilities were no longer, would you still know God’s love? Would you know His love surpasses your understanding?

I pray that he may grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with power in your inner being through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:16-19, CSB

A couple days ago, I would have answered YES, but my heart would twinge with doubt.

It wasn’t until God unraveled my vulnerable subconscious thoughts–a painful experience–that I realized my skewed perspective.

I became angry because I viewed writing as God’s favorite thing about me, but my heart is His favorite thing. That’s what He desires.

And when I give God my heart, my passions will align to glorify Him. A submitted, humble heart glorifies God, not one laced in pride.

Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, and before honor is humility.

Proverbs 18:12, NKJV

God doesn’t use me for my purpose. He uses me for His purpose–bringing His Kingdom down.

Conclusion

So, Beloved, have you been placing your worth in what you can do, or do you believe in what Jesus has already done?

God gives us spiritual gifts to glorify Him. He doesn’t give gifts for us to root our identity and worth in them.

The characteristics of Jesus should be at the forefront of our hearts, not our gifts.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The law is not against such things.

Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV

Gifts are meant to be enjoyed.