Sunshine in the Haze

I’ve tried to come up with the words to describe 2023, but adequate words have left the building.

I turned 18, got engaged the same day, welcomed my second niece into the world, graduated high school, planned a wedding, changed those wedding plans a LOT, and got married 7 months sooner than planned.

All these things have required a lot of adjustment, especially the last one. I wish I could say that I have everything figured out, but I feel lost more than anything.

Learning to Accept My Season of Life

As I watched The Nativity last month, something stood out to me. In our day in age, Mary is considered the most blessed Christian. For goodness gracious, she conceived JESUS through the power of the Holy Spirit.

However, in reality, God put her in a storm. Her family was probably skeptical, her betrothed nearly divorced her, she was ridiculed, and the enemy tracked her down.

Mary was confused.

She was in pain, not just at the time of giving birth, but from the beginning. The world treated her as a liar and a cheater.

The bitter truth is that God’s plan for Mary had a lot of agonizing parts, but she accepted her position and praised God because, despite the pain mixed in, His plan was RICH and GOOD.

And Mary said:

My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
because he has looked with favor
on the humble condition of his servant.

Surely, from now on all generations
will call me blessed,
because the Mighty One
has done great things for me,
and his name is holy.

Luke 1:46-49 (CSB, emphasis added)

With Mary, God carried out the most amazing event in history. While I’m definitely not carrying baby Jesus or creating history, I relate to Mary’s story more now than ever.

Even though marrying my amazing fiancé, now husband, was the greatest thing, I realized beforehand that it would also be painful. My husband spent years building up a comfortable life for us, even before we were married… The kind of life that is nearly impossible to build in my home state.

So, from the very moment I said I do, I signed myself over to forever distance between my family and me. Forever heartache. Forever confusion. (Maybe someday the distance will shorten, but only God knows.)

I have a good husband and a chance at a new kind of life, but I’ve wept bitterly over them.

I’ve fought against the pain. I’ve asked why. I’ve sought answers. I’ve prayed for an angel to come in my dreams—or anything that would ease my worries.

The Nativity brought something to my attention… Though I’ve been following God’s guidance, I’ve been pitching a fit about what His plan is asking of me. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly excited for the future and amazed at how God has used me this far, but I’m grieving the past as well. I’m learning how to say goodbye to everything I know, giving up full control of my life.

To be honest, I spent most of last year pitching a fit.

So, this year, my goal is to take steps towards full acceptance of God’s will. I may not understand all that’s happening, but I have full confidence in the story God is writing for me.

Because of God’s greatness, I know that my story will not be fruitless. His plan may look different than what I imaged for my life, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.

Just like it was for Mary, God’s plan for me (and you) is RICH and GOOD.

My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139:15-16 (ESV)

There may be some storms that arise in this broken world, but we can withstand them by holding fast to the great I AM.

In God, we are secure. We are safe. We are loved. We are taken care of. Nothing is wasted, not even a single tear.

It’s excruciating to let go and say goodbye, but thankfully, it’s okay to grieve. I simply can’t allow my sadness to render my tongue praiseless and my heart hardened.

In the words of Oceans by Hillsong UNITED,
“[His] grace abounds in deepest waters.
[His] sovereign hand will be my guide.
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me,
[He has] never failed and [He] won’t start now.”

If this is where God has put me for this season of my life, I accept.
And I will learn to navigate this season through His strength. I don’t want to be blinded to His goodness.

I choose to walk forward in hope, knowing that God is for me, not against me. This year will be amazing even if I have to let go of a few things al0ng the way.

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.

1 Peter 2:9-10 (NKJV)

---

Comment below: What did you struggle most with last year? How can you move forward into this new year strengthened rather than weighed down?

Keep praying & hoping,
Autumn Rebecca

---