How to be an Amazing Friend: Revealing the Secrets of a Fulfilling Friendship

At a young age, I was already convinced that friends were a waste of time. I had seen and experienced too many so-called friendships fall apart due to lack of genuineness.

I followed my sister around like a puppy, watching her seek friendship with neighborhood kids and church attenders. All of them led to hardship and ended with a snap of the fingers–whether from lying tongues or my family moving for work. In my juvenile heart, the case was closed; friends were not for me.

When I was 12 years old, my sister joined an online community with a bunch of kids around her age. It seemed exciting, so I joined the group as well. My online presence grew. I inserted myself into conversations and goofed off with everyone. For the first time in forever, I was having a blast!

Unfortunately, one bad event led to the next. The online kids I had befriended slowly started to fall away from each other. 

In all of the confusion, there was one person who stood out. Unlike some of the other kids, he possessed a genuine spirit, but he was no longer allowed to use social media and had to leave the group. (Cliche, am I right?) In an attempt to stay in contact, I asked if we could exchange email addresses. 

Little did I know, that one question was the beginning of something profound. That small-town boy from somewhere Missouri is the one who taught me what a good friend is supposed to look like. He encouraged me, laughed with me, and showed me how to lean on God.

As I learned more about true friendship, the lack of genuineness in the online group became evident. With that, I left it behind and honed into the relationship I was creating with the Missouri boy.

I don’t have it all together, but I have realized there are 4 key components to a fulfilling friendship. They are simple things, yet powerful. While I still have a lot to learn, these components have helped me form better relationships with people.

As a disclaimer, these tips are specifically for the Christain friends who want to have an everlasting bond, or who simply want to better encourage each other. It is 100% okay to have friends you don’t create such a strong bond with.

With that out of the way, here are the top four secrets to becoming an out-of-this-world friend! 🙂

4 Secrets to Becoming an Amazing Friend

When I was younger, I gave up on friendship because I didn’t understand what having friends meant. I thought friends were simply a way of entertainment, but as I got older, I craved somebody I could share everything with—not just my happy moments.

This is the core value of friendship. It is having somebody to lean on during the hard times. It is having somebody encourage you, help you, and pray for you. It is having somebody to laugh with, relax with, and chat with.

However, friendship is a two-way street. To find and keep good friends, you must know how to be a good one in return.

I encourage you to look through this list and identify which aspects you could grow in. I know I could grow more in every aspect! That’s the joy of life; it’s a journey.

1. Great Friends Pray For Each Other

I love when my best friend prays for me—whether over the phone, in person, or during our devotional time. It encourages me to cling to the good things in my life, and gives me the strength to tackle each day with determination.

Through my friend’s prayers, I have slowly learned that praying for him in return helps me feel closer to God and him.

Naturally, there are times my friend is struggling with things I can’t fix. It’s easy to get frustrated with my lack of ability to help, but in those moments, I cling to one simple truth.

When circumstances seem impossible to overcome, the greatest help anybody could ever offer is prayer.

Prayer is our way of communicating with God. It’s not only powerful and life-changing for us, but it is also life-changing for the ones we pray for. God moves in miraculous ways when we draw near to Him with an earnest heart.

… The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

James 5:16 (ESV)

2. Great Friends Embrace Transparency & Vulnerability

The hardest thing for me to do is open up to people. My immediate response to somebody attempting to understand my emotions is to clam up and refuse to say another word. I’m ready to hide!

While I still clam up more often than I would like to admit, I am learning that transparency and vulnerability is a huge aspect of a genuine friendship—any relationship for that matter. It strengthens it! 

It’s crucial to talk to God about how we truly feel, but it’s also important to talk to somebody else as well. They can share wisdom, or, at least, sympathize with us and encourage us in the right direction.

There is a catch though. If one person is always spilling all their woes and despairs, and the other person is always consoling, something may need to change.

Friends are created to comfort each other, but if one has chosen not to open up, the relationship becomes one-sided. Only one person is reaping the benefits of having a person to cry with. A strong friendship embraces equal vulnerability within the boundaries and moderation of friendship (most friends are not certified psychologists).

If you are always consoling your friend, scared to be vulnerable, maybe it is time to change things. If your friend is always consoling you, it may be time to gently encourage them to open up. Ask them what their least favorite part of the day was or what makes them sad. Ask about their feelings on different topics and see what happens.

However, if you and your friend would prefer to leave vulnerability out of the equation, that is completely okay! Transparency is essential though. Always be honest with your friend!

3. Great Friends Encourage Each Other to Cling to God

Any friend can help with mundane tasks and help problem solve, but only a true friend will seek ways to remind their favorite people to cling to God.

When we encourage our friends to cling to God first, we accomplish something amazing. We are not only helping them in the moment, but we are also helping them eternally.

Above anything else, we should want our friends to know that God is there for them no matter what. We may not always be able to pick up the phone when they call on us, but God will always be able to lean in and listen.

This goes back to what I mentioned earlier. Friends are not meant to be on-call psychologists. They are also not a replacement for God or His guidance.

I can’t tell you how many times I have brought all my broken pieces to my best friend, hoping he could fix it all. Sadly, that’s not how it works. My friend was quick to point me back to the cross, my parents, and my church. It’s not that he didn’t want to help; he couldn’t help. He knew he was not equipped.

Bottom line: God didn’t create us to fix everything, so it is crucial that we point our friend to the ultimate Helper.

4. Great Friends Choose Love & Kindness Everyday

Ultimately, if you desire to be a good friend, you must prioritize kindness. Love your friend unconditionally, cheer for them, and correct them in a loving way. If you notice they are falling into sinful habits, gently bring it to their attention.

Don’t share their problems with the world, gossiping about them. Always have their best interest in heart, desiring good things for them. Remember to pray for them and point them to Christ.

Are You Ready to be a Better Friend?

It’s not easy being a friend, but putting the time and effort into creating a fulfilling friendship is beyond rewarding. To walk life with somebody you can cheer with, cry with, and laugh with is the most beautiful thing!

I could try to sum up this blog post with my own words, but I think Paul summed up how to be an amazing friend (and a good person, for that matter) better than I ever could. In Romans 12:9-18 (CSB), he explained it like this:

Love must be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good.

Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Do not lack diligence; be fervent in spirit; serve the Lord.

Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer.

Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.

Be in agreement with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Try to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes.

If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone.

If you enjoyed this blog post, please consider signing up for my monthly newsletter to receive more content like this. I would love to welcome you into my crazy little world and encourage you through your own! ❤️