The Truth About How I’m Overcoming the Fear of Death

A pale pink flower floats in front of my nose. “With all the withered things around, this one stood strong. I’ll always be there for you like that.” I look to my left, meeting the gaze of gentle brown eyes awaiting a response.

My husband can be quite the poet for someone who claims he’s horrible at writing.

I struggle with statements like that though. They melt my heart, but the sting of death lingers over me. Who can stay? Who will go before I?

As someone who is bound for the gates of heaven, I feel immense guilt for this anxiety and ever present sadness that keeps everyone at an arm’s length distance. I feel guilty for not being able to fully enjoy poetic, sweet words.

1 Corinthians 15:55-57 says, “‘O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?’ The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Without God, there is most certainly fear of death, but with Christ, shouldn’t I rejoice for those who get to see the wonders of heaven before me? And rejoice to see it myself?

I’m only human after all. Haven’t we all heard this isn’t our home?

But again, I am only human. I pray for my fear and anxiety to loosen, but when I tremble at night with my husband’s sleeping breaths the only interruption of my tears, God is there.

When I’m sitting at the alter, the hem of my dress soaked and a stranger’s hand on my shoulder, God is there too.

I need to read my Bible more. I need to pray more. I need to connect with other believers more.

These things are honey to an anxious soul. I’m aware where to find peace. I find comfort there often. I still struggle with this natural, fearful response though.

All I can do now is “…be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that [my] labor is not in vain in the Lord.” (1 Corinth. 15:58)

To “remember my Creator”. (Ecclesiastes 12)

To be transparent with my Creator.

Jesus wept for Lazarus.
He wept for His own death.
Why would I doubt His understanding of my own distress?

“O Lord my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me.” (Psalm 30:2)